I awoke this morning in a mood as they say. My sleep was restless with being hot then cold then hot…you get the picture. It was plagued with odd dreams, presumably surfacing from my subconscious. I generally don’t remember my dreams but when I do have such a restless night, I’m left with a hangover of sorts. You know, the kind where you are at last sleeping deeply and when you awaken it is as if you’ve had a bit too much to drink only you’re absent the telltale headache that so often accompanies one of those hangovers. In truth, I was in bed by ten and asleep by eleven. I awoke from strange dreams and sweating at four in the morning to the sound of rain outside of my window and a certain blonde dog curled up beside me with his nose tucked under one paw. My assumption is that the fireworks around midnight scared him so he found refuge in a place he felt was safe, squarely hugged up next to my back, no doubt adding to the abominable heat I was experiencing. In any case, I quietly read until around six thirty and finally fell into a hard, dreamless sleep promptly awakening twelve hours after I originally retired the evening before, thick-tongued and in a mood.
So, it’s the first day of 2021, eh? I, myself, am certainly glad to have such a tragic year behind us. I must confess, though, that I harbor fears that 2020 will be lapping at our heels for some time. Perhaps one day it will truly be behind us, but not quite yet, I’m afraid. What I do know is that while many can move on into the New Year feeling relief and a sense of opportunity, there are many more that will always be impacted by what 2020 brought to the world; loved ones lost, livelihoods destroyed, extreme polarization, a healthcare system taxed to the point of collapse, and pain of the soul-breaking kind. In essence, a world gone mad…These were my thoughts as I quietly sipped my morning coffee, indeed much later than usual on this New Year’s Day and certainly much less jovial than in years past.
What did my mind-wandering bring me as I contemplated the year that was 2020? Gratitude. Gratitude that my family continues to be safe as we do our best to navigate this new world where death and darkness lurk in every venture to the grocery store, that I recognize the smile behind the mask when my favorite cashier’s eyes alight with humor, and that we are forced to meet one another’s eyes in a custom that had been so long lost…for to meet one’s eyes is the measure of them, is it not? Gratitude for the workers who risk their lives and the lives of their loved ones to care for those who cannot care for themselves whether in the hospital, nursing home, or other place of refuge, for the frontline workers who haul, drop, load, bag, and otherwise keep the great wheel of our nation moving forward, one step at a time…they are the heroes and the backbone of our country. Gratitude for a job that allows me to be safe at home with my family, to help my high schooler navigate his first year in a new school via the world-wide web, and for the foundation in nimbleness that he learned in his previous school for it is serving him well these days.
As I write this, I am filled with hope despite how this day began for me. It is as if the heavy night storm washed away the stain of 2020, the calendar turning from one year to the next. Sitting here in my office overlooking my favorite oak tree, leafless in its winter slumber against a backdrop of clear blue, its limbs dancing in the wind, I am hopeful indeed for the winds of change, it seems, are at last upon us.
R.A. Grando 